how can i change?

Just now this evening i watched Al-Kuliyyah programme on TV3, an Islamic discussion show. Like always, there must be something fated to be shown to me when i'm alone. No matter, it can be songs, people talking, or whatever. 

 This time it's about 'ANGER'. Ahh, nice one.. Hit me directly onto my head! Yaaahh, i can feel that lately my anger becomes ferocious i think, cause i can't control it anymore. A slight mistake can turn into a 'killing' plan. Some of my friend said i am too negative person. NE..GA...and i don't hear the last word. 

But is it true? Or sensitive? Or what i call perfection..because i'm too sensitive, i'm afraid to make mistake..i tried my best to make it perfect in each of my job. Hahh..and cause the way i am, i usually end up with anger of others' mistake. 

i once thought of handling my anger. And it seems successful when i entered my matriculation program. Means, i stop blaming shitty words to people for ONE YEAR!! haha quite an improvement..but it never last long..this university life make me worse. i'm back to my normality..haihh~

Back to the ANGER. It's not about management. It's about the reality of it and how it happened. The ustaz said anger comes from fire in ourselves, and it grows if we are not patient enough. The main part is when syaitan or satan join in. We know their native is fire..so they easily take part and make us worse. What makes me guilty is when we at mahsyar, people that we do bad things on them can take our pahala, and Allah SWT can put that people sins to become ours..

Hmm..thinking of that, i always get angry and my mouth will start firing unstoppable ***** words if i can't stand with certain people. Mind u not everyone..i've done so much bad things..astaghfirullah..how big this problem can be?..so many effect, neither physical and spiritual. 

Maybe the problem also come from myself..i left most of my 'good' part behind since i entered secondary school..and it continue up till now..my bad..my bad..thought of changing again? maybe? hopefully.. 

"Saidina Umar r.a. itu bengis orangnya tapi bila di depan Allah, sangat tinggi TAQWA nya.."

..Amin Ya Rabb..

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